Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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