The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize