I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They are going to name an STD after you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize