my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
