So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
