so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
