never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
