Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
