Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
