the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i now understand why vodka
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
