Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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