Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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