i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
