she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
