Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
