i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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