It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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