I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
send nudes
from the living room?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
