Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
