Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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