I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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