Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
