And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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