At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
