here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
