She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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