fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry about my life...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
is it fun? or sober?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
