dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
