she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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