Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm both gender and math confused
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
