I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
