sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
