You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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