Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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