Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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