I can tuck mytits in my pants
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
