There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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