I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just forgot I was standing up.
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
