New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
