I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
