I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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