One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
