There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
