so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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