When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
