Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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