i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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