They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
pray to the hookup gods
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
