We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
