Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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