that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
