Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize