So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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