Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
