this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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