The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
