My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
