I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
