i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
