I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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