And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so not down for the gang bang
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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