Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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