This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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