I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
