For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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