Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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