Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
