i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
