We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
