Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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