I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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