We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
