If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
