am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
