All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
