I wish I could teleport
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
