If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
