Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize