So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize