I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
